yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
