i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
