My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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