no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
