This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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