Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
