He told me they were just razor bumps!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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