i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
