so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
