So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
