i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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