I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
