The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
