She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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