I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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