I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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