i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
