So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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