The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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