Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
