If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
