there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
