whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
