There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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