I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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