it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
