Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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