How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
