Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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