I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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