In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
