if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.