I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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