I wish you could order shots online.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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