No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
