I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize