I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
