I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
