Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize