i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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