I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Enjoy the penises
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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