I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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