what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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