if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So squirting runs in the family.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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