there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
