Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
