Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
