WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
