im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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