I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
