Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
