Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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