she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
