walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
