I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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