Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize