stop calling my apartment porn island.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
