i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize