shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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