I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
