I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
