my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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