My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
